fredizzle: Some Decisions I have to make ( Warning! This will be a Long Post)

There are few things on my mind. I would like some input. Maybe I have reached a threshold of these kind of bullshit and I ought to choose not to take it anymore.

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Should I Change Church?

I have been attending a particular Church for some time now ( I would like to protect the sanctity of God's house so I will not be explicit, let us call it Church 'A' ), then stopped because I went overseas to pursue my degree. I have returned recently. Many events made me regret my decision.

Upon my return, I made the decision to visit another Church for a few months, simply because I have heard good things about it and it is affiliated to another Church I've visited, when I was overseas. During those few months, I got in touch with friends of mine from Church 'A' and they persuaded me to return. They have not seen me for a good 4 years (most of them anyway) and was quite surprised when we met. They all made similar observations and asked the reasons behind my acquired quiet demeanor. I was quite the opposite 4 years ago. Anyways, I agreed to return to Church 'A' .
On Church day, I was really tired, lack of sleep the night before coupled with 3 hours of gymming that morning and further coupled with other stuff which lay heavy on my mind. I told myself "Just go for service and relax in the presence of God, that will do the trick." So because of the above reasons, I was rather quiet all the way through. Unfortunately, these friends of mine interpreted my body language in a whole different way.
At the last stage of the service there was the alter call, a time when people can come up and give their lives to God if so they choose. Pastor would say "Turn to your neighbours and ask them if their sins have been forgiven, and if they cannot give you an outright YES, invite them to come to the front." I was so mind dead by then, I mumbled the question and gave a half-ass answer. That's when things took a turn and I started to get pissed off.
Both my neighbours started to ask me to respond to the altar call. I told both of them I did not want to. Here I can understand why they might ask me, after all it was pastor's instructions. However, when I said 'no' they just did not accept it. They kept pressing on. This stranger guy standing on my right actually said "Brother, are you a sinner, or a backslidder, why don't you go to the front?" My friend on the right kept at it too, she kept tugging at my shirt, asking me to respond to the altar call. I felt that I was being "attacked", they stopped short of physically hauling me to the front. If I were a non-Christian, wanting to accept God into my life, but a little hesitant, a little shy perhaps, do you think I will consider it after what the guy said? HELL No! They can take their religion and stuff it up their ass.
Seriously? I wonder why they singled me out? Was it because I was not vibrant during praise? Was it because I did not raise my hands during worship? Was it because I did not give an enthusiastic YES to pastor's question? Was it because I was away from Church 'A' for so long that they conclude without a doubt that I'm sure to have backslidden? Where is the human factor?
During my Christian walk with God, I'm sure I've backslidden many times. Pastor once said, if you do not move forward with God EVERYDAY, then you would have moved backward (backslidding) because with God there is no middle ground. So based on that very definition which pastor gave, I'm sure no Chirstian on the face of this earth from the time of Christ till this very moment, constantly moved forward without feeling sometimes disapponted, sometimes lost or lonely or even sometimes outright sacrilegious. Then what? Are you not a Child of God when that happens? Certainly not! You just shake it off, ask for forgiveness and move on.
But my experience with people from Church 'A' suggests that they just do not get it. No faith? Then you must be sinning. Did not raise hands during worship? Then something is wrong with your attitude for sure. When one is down in the dumps, they do not say "Why? What happened? Tell me about it." They start by saying "Have faith!"
I really feel like screaming a very long string of vulgarities in 4 different languages right now. Where the bloody hell is the human factor? Where is the showering of GRACE when it is needed most? Not everything is Faith, Not everything is 'Jump for joy'. We are still on earth, we've yet to ascend to heaven you know?

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I am too tired to write out the other decision(s) I have to make. Perhaps tomorrow. I went to Church to get some rest from the Lord, but left with even more burdens. Saddening. It has been about 7 years since I've accepted Christ and gave my heart to Jesus in Church 'A' but when it comes to issues like these, they were like that then - and from saturday's experience - they are still like that now. But you know what?

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

And I - most certainly - have not given my consent.