Salvo Reloaded ( Warning! Another Long Post )

~ Homer Simpson Screaming ~

This will be a continuation of yesterday's post. I have this pent up frustration inside of me that I really need an outlet to release it without hurting anyone's feelings. Because, well... although I do believe the people I am about to mention thoroughly deserve a tongue lashing, they are after all my brothers and sisters in Christ, so as with any family feud situations, I do not want to air dirty laundry in public, therefore, as with yesterday's post, no names will stated explicitly.

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The next question I need to ask myself is...

Should I actively pursue more friendships with Non-Christians?

This is not a sweeping statement. I have no intention to isolate my Christian friends altogether, but most of them have managed to inflict some sort of emotional damage on me. I think back, made a thorough inventory of all the friends I have/had from primary school till this day and I find myself facing a stark reality. Most of my Christian friends hurt me - in one way or another - but most of my non-Christian friends heal me: they were always there when I needed them most. So I was thinking, perhaps, I ought to seek refuge in the company of the latter. I will give a few examples to build my case.

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Christian Friends

I have been battling my weight problem for the longest time. I was huge in my early days till my teens. I managed to reduce drastically during my army days but I put all of it back when I went overseas to study. I take full responsibility for my plight. I did not control my life, I just let myself go. I make no excuses. So far, this is how 2 of my Christian friends reacted when they saw me in 2 different occassions.

Friend number 1 is really something. This incident happened in march 2003. (No I am not a psycho who hold grudges for so long, I retrieved this incident from my other online diary) This person really put me off. It was a lovely Sunday morning. It has been a while since we last saw each other. Without so much as a good morning, he just burst out " WOW, How in the world did you grow so FAT?" I remained silent but he just would not quit. He was just going on and on for about 15 minutes and I was about this close to lashing out at him but then I recalled that it was a Sunday and I should behave all Christian-like and just ignore him altogether. I felt like saying to him "I am fat. but give me 10 months and I'll achieve my ideal weight but YOU, you are so ugly, nothing short of a miracle will help you." Well you would think that this would be the last I'll hear from him but Noooooo... When he came to my home a few days later. Again! That was the very first thing he said to me, in my home! Boy this time, I really wanted to give it to him, even it means making a spectacle of myself, but somehow, I just turned my back and went my way. I guess some people just don't get it. The worst thing was the initial shock, I'd never imagine a friend of mine could say something so blunt. To make things worst. That guy was a Christian. I'm telling you straight. If I were a pre-believer, I would have rather killed myself that join a religion that produces a person like that. It is no wonder that I find myself drawn to fellowship with my pre-believing friends more than my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Well at the very least, they know how to treat people right.

Friend number 2 is almost just as bad. I came back after completing my studies. The moment she saw me, there was No "Hi, welcome back." There was No "How are you?" There was No "I 'm so happy you've returned." There was, however, a "Oh my gosh, you are back, and you've grown twice your size." Seriously, how would you react? Well I did not react, I responded by simply ignoring her. I looked the other way.

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Non-Christian Friends

You know, not all of my non-Christian friends are nice, many of them are pricks as well. But you see, the difference is, they do not play 'games'. If they are pricks, they behave like one and let the whole world know that they are one. They do not act all holy and righteous: do all the right things like saying enthusiastic "YES and Amens!"; nor do they constantly ride on their high horses, while demeaning and putting others down. This is just not right.

I was very fat when I was in secondary school, on top of that I was a transfer student from another school. I found it very hard to make friends. Many of them made me feel that I'm not good enough. But then came these group of friends that I have come to know and love, they stood up for me and made sure no one bullied me. They played with me and ate with me when no one else would. They too made fun of me, but trust me when I tell you this, they did so only to tease me in a friendly way, at no time did I feel put down or lousy. That my friends is the difference!

When I was in polytechnic, the situation was similar. I had a good group of friends that I hung around. They made me feel welcomed and accepted. They were all very nice, very real. They cry when they are sad, laugh when they are tickled by a joke, smile when they are happy. They did not hide behind a veil of hypocracy. They gave me a feeling that it was alright to be vulnerable, they made me feel that it was alright to be human. That my friends is the difference!

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I really wonder why my things are the way they are. If the Bible is true, and life transforming, then, I would expect people who love it and follow it would change into better, more compassionate, more grace-giving people. Why is it that the non-Christian friends of mine are like that even when they are not inspired and transformed by the Word of God?

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What should I do? My mind can be illustrated by the above picture. I feel like screaming. Am I being overly sensitive? Are my standards too high? Am I just behaving like a big baby? What do you think?