Sunday, October 28, 2007

Tell Me What it's Worth?

Disclaimer: This is NOT my mid life crisis. I did NOT go and put a down payment on a Mini Cooper S. This was and still is a question - a heavy one - that I have been and still am pondering.
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Question: What do I want to achieve in this life that God has given me?
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The Christian right-winger will immediately insist that I give myself wholeheartedly to the clergy. No, I think not. There is no point pretending. Life is too short. If God meant for every male to be monks and every female to be nuns, then that in itself would not just contradict his word - "...be fruitful and multiply." - but would also inevitably bring about the extinction of the human race. You do not need a nuclear holocaust, a simple idea planted in the hearts and minds of people would achieve the same effect.
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Then I think. Do I go and try my very best to make lots of money? Set a goal to buy the fastest cars, the most expensive real estate, to obtain the rarest of time-pieces, to fulfill all my wants in my wildest imagination? If I move in that direction, with hardwork, wit and determination, perhaps, I might achieve that goal. But after I do (if I do) then what lies after that? In my work place, there is so much talk about how much others are getting paid elsewhere, but if I keep moving on to another job and another job just to get better pay, would that make me happy? Would more money make me happy? Or rather would the things that money can buy bring me happiness? I'm not sure, because I have never been rich enough to be confronted with that question. But I just know that there is more to life than getting stuff.
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I have been thinking. God told us to number our days. I have not done so. But If I did, I would not be surprised if He tells me that a big portion of it is wasted.
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So here I am thinking.
I have a lot of time to think now that I'm on a TV fast.
I have not reached any conclusions.
I just feel that I'm not satisfied with the way I'm living my life.
I just feel that a portion of my time is wasted on unnecessary things.
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On a completely separate note:
I had a dream. A funny dream. Maybe even a brief glimpse into the future.
I was a married man. I have a wife and a baby daughter. The conversation went like this:

Wife (talking to a friend): He (me) is just like Alice, he eats so much and sleeps right after, and when he awakes, he looks for more food.
Friend: ..(starts laughing at me)
Me: (bouncing the baby on my lap) Ahahahha .... see Alice... mummy says you are JUST LIKE ME. ahahahaah.

Then poof... the dream segued to a completely different scene.
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Maybe, I don't know for sure, but maybe I do have a higher calling, I sure hope to know what it is soon, but more so, I hope to be ready for it once it is revealed to me.

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