Parenting

Today, I have this on my mind. Parenting. It was sparked off by dinner conversations the night before. I began to have recollections of certain memories that I had blocked out years ago when it happened.
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FD shall give you an idea of one big no no in parenting- Demeaning your child in front of others. I was visiting my sick maternal grandmother at Changi Hospital last saturday, 2 days ago. My grandmother is in a bad shape, she had lost more than 30Kg in a span of less than 3 months. Naturally, her children, my mom being one of them, take turns to stand vigil at her bedside.

It was then that my uncle strolled in with his daughter. Us adults were having a conversation about her condition and the fraility of life when this uncle of mine said this, "Samantha (his daughter) is not affected by this (this being my grandmother's condition) at all, she doesn't understand what is going on." He spoke on using a matter-of-fact kind of tone, "All she knows how to do is eat ice-cream."

You see, samantha came in with this cup of ice-cream and she was eating it as we spoke. It is no secret that she loves that stuff, as do most children, but she is a little on the plump side so my guess is, my uncle was trying to provoke her to change her eating habits by embarrassing her. I think that his uncle is mean. And even though this isn't exactly classified as verbal abuse, I can tell you from experience (FD's story later) that this could stunt her growth of self-esteem. I think that if my uncle really felt that Samantha has a problem, he ought to have been a little more discreet in handling the situation. He should have a private word with her when they are at home, simply put - Give her some face.

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FD shall give you an idea of one big yes yes in parenting. Yesterday, while I was having dinner with my extended family, my young nephew, Benjamin, started to practice vocal amplification. So, my cousin, Benjamin's father, looked at him, made eye contact, and in a soft but commanding voice said "Enough." And that was that, my cousin did not raise his voice or embarrass him in public. I was impressed.

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FD's story goes like this. I was very sickly as a child and had to frequent hospitals because I was an asthmatic since young and was very prone to pneumonia. One time, for reasons I could not recollect, I was given a shot of mild steroids. During the day, my dad asked how I was and I said my heart was racing like Ben Johnson (Ben Johnson was the world record holder for the 100m dash back then). Later that evening, a nurse came around and asked the same question, I said I was ok, but then my dad repeated what I had said earlier that day. And both of them laughed. I felt so embarrassed. This incident seems tiny and insignificant but truth is, that day, my heart broke, because I felt that my dad took what I had told him in confidence and used it to make fun of me publically. I chose to selectively block out this memory. I only recalled it 2 days ago, I guess it must have been because I was in a hospital and that incident also involved a child and Deja Vu kicked in.

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I'm not a parent. I do not even have a girlfriend. But think about it. The 'Ben Johnson' incident happened to me more than 18 years ago, but I still remember it. My dad is a very good provider and a good person. I'm not bitter about what he had done but I can't help but wonder if that very incident was the turning point in my life, the point where I chose the road that led to my low self-esteem. But one thing's for sure, if I could remember it after 18 years, it must have been significant to me back then. So I want to encourage parents out there in the real world, be mindful of your children's feelings and of equal importance - know that they also want FACE.